I’ll never forget it. We were sitting in a church small group with four other couples watching a video series on marriage. I thought we had a great marriage but instead of paying attention to the video- I watched my husband. They were talking about how many husbands don’t feel respected by their wives and how men just wanted to hear some key phrases from their wives. Was that a tear coming from his eye? I immediately paid more attention to the speaker. What in the world was I doing wrong to make my poor husband break out in tears?
You know you love your husband. I know you love your husband. (Why else would you have clicked on this?) Your husband probably knows it too… but there’s something else he needs from you…
Do you know my favorite Bible verse regarding marriage? Ephesians 5:21. It says “submit to one another out of reverence for Christ”. Now take out the ‘out of reverence’ and see if it’s a little more stick-it-to-ya… “Submit to one another for Christ”. (am I alone in simplifying verses temporarily to understand their implications a little better? I hope not.)
So. Here are some ways that you can show your husband that you want to prioritize him. These are some phrases that speak to the DEEP needs of your other (better?) half. He needs to hear these from you! Ready?
5 Things Your Husband Needs To Hear Every Day
I trust you
- I agree.
- Good idea! Wow!
- I’m not sure on that, but I think you have my best interest at heart!
Your husband needs to hear that you trust him. Life is hard and your husband knows that he is carrying the load of protecting you and providing for you. God provided him to you as a shepherd (even if he isn’t a Christian), and if you are not letting him carry you, and instead you’re kicking yourself out of his arms… well that just makes his job a whole lot more difficult. Trust your husband, even if you aren’t 100% that he knows what’s best. It’s important for them to hear that you rely on him.
I am proud of you. I LIKE you.
- You’re doing a great job!
- You’re growing as a man of God.
- I believe in you!
- You can do it. You’re capable of amazing things through Christ.
- I’m glad I said ‘I do’ to you… you really amaze me! 🙂
- You’re so fun on dates- and handsome too, I might add! 😉
Have you heard that old country song- She loves me, but she doesn’t like me anymore? Talk about a sad song! Your husband wants to be liked by you. He wants to hear that you like being around him.
Also… your husband needs to hear that you’re proud of him! It’s a real boost in confidence. He has serious doubts about his abilities and even his looks… just like you. If you don’t give that booster to him on a regular basis (if not daily, then at least weekly) he might be able to glide off a memory you have together, or a compliment from someone else in his life… but why not make it from you!? Then you’ll be in his head all day long, in a good way! 🙂
I’m Praying For You
Do you pray for your husband?
The Bible says we should pray without ceasing. Every time you think about your husband, say a prayer for him. Don’t worry about him… pray for him! Even if it’s only a 3-word phrase- ‘protect him, Lord.’
You should also do some deeper prayers for your husband- some real intercessory prayers. Pray for his spiritual walk, for his health, that he is safe arriving home from work. Pray for his relationships with family, friends, and his children. That he would be able to stand against the devil’s schemes… we know that Satan hates marriages. He has since Eden.
So tell your husband when you pray for him. Don’t make it into a judgey- BOY I’M PRAYING FOR YOU, YOU BETTER GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER- thing… make it into a “God does amazing things in our lives and I’m praying that He keeps doing them!” kind of a thing. Build UP your husband! And if your husband isn’t a believer- maybe go easy on this one until he sees some of the fruit of your prayers for him!
- I appreciate what you did for me when you __________.
- Thank you for going to work and providing for our family.
- Thank you for ___________, I know that it took a lot of time.
- I thank God for you and pray for you every day!
Your husband needs to hear that you’re thankful that God placed him in your life. A good “thank you” shows admiration and gratitude.
Make it really specific! A general “thanks for everything you do” is nice, but “thank you for driving to work and dealing with your boss” is a whole lot more meaningful. That compassion goes a long way.
Something my momma taught me is that two necessary components to a good thank you: sincerity and specifics. Make it heartfelt and make it pointed.
I love you
- I enjoy being with you. You make me laugh!
- You make it all worth it.
- Honey, I’m glad we are doing ________ (activity/date) together.
- I want you… in bed… now! 😉
- I need you. My life wouldn’t be the same without you.
This was the last phrase on purpose. It is often easy for women to love their husbands. And it’s good to say I love you to your husband… but they don’t need to hear ‘I love you’ as much as they need to hear these other things- things that emphasize companionship (which is how men bond with other men), attraction and passion.
Different phrases- same meaning?
These phrases still communicate love, but I think they sometimes speak deeper into men’s insecurities. I mean there might be some men who need to hear “I love you” more, but try some of these other phrases more often. You might be surprised.
A word on sex
Sometimes it’s not as easy to show love to your husband in your sex life- but you need to. If you are like most women, you probably don’t desire sex as often as your husband does. There are exceptions to that rule! But if you are in the lower libido category, you should attempt to meet in the middle- if you desire sex once a week and he desires sex almost every day- compromise and have it 2-4 times a week…?
Your husband understands that you have your own reasons and should be open to compromise… but sex will build up your husband’s confidence like nothing else you can say or do. For a TON more about Christian marriage (especially regarding sex) – check out one of my favorite ministries- To Love, Honor and Vacuum.
Submit to each other
If you want your husband to speak love into your life, speak his language. Your husband needs to hear these- FROM YOU! These 4 phrases certainly aren’t going to be a fix-all but will help you build bridges into your husband’s heart. Your husband has hurts and soft spots just like you… and when you start to speak to his heart, you might be surprised that you will receive new levels of romance and consideration… the cup that is full is able to pour out to others, you know!
But the main motivation in all of this is that Christians are supposed to submit to one other… that means putting your wants and needs SECOND. So put your spouses needs first and tell me what changes you see in him… and yourself!
What do you think?
Do any of these surprise you? What does your husband need to hear? What do you think about the verse: submit to one another? In what ways can you submit to your husband today? What about to your friends or coworkers? In what way could you submit those in your life today?
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