How To Parent Well Despite Stress

Nov 4

By Alicia Johnson, Guest Writer

There are so many occasions where life can seem exceptionally stressful: from losing a loved one, preparing for a natural disaster like a hurricane to introducing a new child into the family.

When one member of the family is stressed, it often means that ALL members of the family are stressed- even the tiniest members, our children.

My husband, daughters and I fully understand the idea of “family stress.”

We moved overseas as missionaries in 2014, and since then we have moved seven times (four times internationally).

There’s lots of opportunities for stress in my life:

Transitions: we have spent a significant amount of time without a home of our own during transitions (staying with family and friends).

Births: we have given birth to two beautiful daughters after two difficult pregnancies.

Loss: we have buried a sweet baby lost to miscarriage, we have been kicked out of a country and we have had our “five year life plan” tossed in the air, scrapped and rewritten so much that we have simply given up on having a plan!

Despite the beauty and difficulties of these various events, God has shown us time and time again of His goodness. His grace is sufficient for us, just as it says in Second Corinthians:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9a

We often hear “Kids are resilient!” but the longer I am a mother, the more I doubt this statement.

Kids, like us, become stressed when dealing with new problems or situations.

They act out.

Complain.

They cry over small issues.

They crave familiar comforts.

Eventually, just like us, they manage to get through the stress in time and return to a sense of normal once the stressors are taken away.

Whether the event is beautiful or difficult, the stress that affects us also affects our children. They, like us, need extra love, attention and guidance. Ultimately, they need comfort, and we are the ones most equipped to give that to them!

However, how do we do this when we are stressed ourselves?

Or when we have a to-do list a mile long?

Or when we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel?

When we are running on empty, how do we pour out more?

Throughout my experiences, I have learned how true this statement is: His grace is sufficient for us. During the storm, however, we often forget this essential piece of scripture.

Here are some ways that I have learned to accept God’s grace over my family:

First, we must acknowledge and accept the idea of “survival mode.”

This is when we put away our regular standards of cleaning, meal prep, etc. to simply do whatever is easy for a while. This may mean ordering pizza, simple lunches and meals, having a more messy house, being behind with the laundry, etc. We live in a world with amazing resources and conveniences, and it is in these increased times of stress that we can use these tools to increase peace and harmony in our family!

As mothers, we must accept the grace that God freely gives through Jesus, and praise Him that our salvation is not dependent on a meticulously cleaned house or having a perfectly balanced organic meal each and every day.

We must increase our time in the Word!

Now, I know what you are thinking- What?! When we are stressed, it is normally because we have no time! How are we supposed to INCREASE our time in the Word?

I know, I thought the same exact thing when someone told this to me. However, she gave the advice to just “get it done” as the first task of my day, and to do whatever it took to get it.

For me, this meant getting my family ready for the day, but instead of jumping on productive activities, I plopped the kids down in front of a TV show and took this extra special time in the Word. Being a limited screen time family, it was hard for me to let go of the idol of limited screen time!

As I let go, I was able to grow in faith through this extended and focused time with Jesus.

This increase of faith automatically lowered my stress, and it enabled me to care for my kids deeper than before. I not only learned about God’s grace, but I read about how God’s grace has been enough for many heroes of the faith before me.

We saturate our home with Jesus.

What did this look like for me? I would listen to faith encouraging podcasts while doing the dishes, I would listen to worship music when folding laundry.

When the children started to lose it, I would pause everything and sing hymns with them. I would read more Bible stories and less secular books for my children. When our home was completely saturated, we were constantly reminded of God’s goodness despite our difficult circumstances.

I put down “necessary” tasks to play more with my children.

I made it a goal to spend at least half an hour of alone time with each of them every day. It’s an important choice, but I’ll put off chores and necessary tasks to focus on them.

This time helped me to feel like I was actually doing something, but it was also a relaxing time to just enjoy my kids. During these times, when I took time to listen, I could hear their stress and understand their dilemmas.

Having allowed the Lord to minister to my heart through His word earlier that morning, I was able to draw from the well deep within me to minister to my children in these moments.

Lastly, we must acknowledge that oftentimes, we are simply not enough for our children.

Even when we put these tips into practice, we still may not have enough to pour out to our children. We may lose our temper easily with them. We will not solve their problems or eliminate their stress.

Many times, even in non-stressful seasons, we are simply not enough for our children. This is where our increased faithfulness truly lies – we, in our faith, rely on God to be enough for our children.

We do what we can, but acknowledge that ultimately He can minister to their hearts more than we can. We can lead them to the Lord, pointing them to His Word.

As mothers, we need to tell our children stories of how God has proven His goodness throughout our own lives.

It’s important that we do not allow ourselves to become discouraged, but rather encouraged that the Lord Almighty, the Creator of the heavens and the earth, not only cares for us deeply but cares for our children deeply. He will see them through this, just as He is seeing us through it.

His grace is not only sufficient for us, it is sufficient for our children as well.

Stressful and difficult times in this life are simply inevitable. It is a result of living in a broken and fallen world. One day, however, our tears will be no more. As Jesus says, we should “take heart, for I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33)

How to parent well through stress -What about you?

Has your family gone through a stressful season lately? Do you have any tips on how to parent well through stress? How did you see God move throughout your situation?

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Sarah Hardee